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Mike iLL

Be my birthday in 48 hours or so. Saturn return. This year is really the last of the millenium. For some reason I can’t recall, decided to get involved… well to help out some friends who want to do some internet broadcasting. They were talking about a battle of the bands. Fuck that shit. Music asn’t about contests. Like Charles Ives said, “Prizes are badges of mediocracy.” So we’re launching the Beaten Path Variety Series. Poetry, comedy, rock, jazz, rap, pop, ethnic music… Should be cool. Lotta work though, and always the opportunity to piss people off. Either ‘cause this or that wasn’t fair, or …whatever. Anyway, last night was feverish. Awoke over and over. Weird dreams. Mathmatical equations compiled and unraveled like a pair of old fashioned clothes pins twisted up in a rubber band. Got a letter from Hasil Adkins today. What a sweetheart. He’s talking to some of his label contacts and trying to help me out. Also wants to do some shows together. I’m thinking maybe New Years Eve. Thinking about my heroin using friends and their young lovers. Thinking about the future. What do we live for? For what do we look forward? Old age, medical complications and regret? I been in bed all day. Too bad it took sickness to make me take a day off. And still this habit-racked mind reels like a subway train at rush hour. The girls are asleep. I long for disciplin. Wonder what a sweet dream feels like. |

guilt-away, mike

2/10/2000